Mental Health Habits...

Hello everyone!

Over the years with my mental health I have racked up a bunch of habits that live with me still whether the certain mental health issue does as well is another story. I thought I'd share some because I think it's totally normal to hold onto some of these habits because your mental illness was a part of you for so long, my mental illnesses as awful as they have been have shaped me as the human I am now.

With my eating disorder I have some habits I have kept and some I have no fucking idea why and some others that stick with me too:

• Savoury food before 12pm makes me wanna eat my HEAD - this one is bizarre and I've had this for longer than my eating disorder has been prominent in my life, which shows that I've had issues with food for much longer than I thought. I cannot physically do it without feeling anxious and weird, I hate it. My boyfriend is always saying how good cheese is before 12pm and I'm like enjoy it pal, I'll have it after lunch THANKS. Even bacon rolls in the morning make me ~uncomfortable~ and it's very annoying.

• I can't eat from buffets at work and hate the smell - The smell of a buffet honestly makes me angry and uncomfortable, so weird. So when people at work bring in food for everyone on a special occasion I wish I was not there, I never go and eat anything although sometimes I do want to try one of those sexy looking cupcakes. BUT I CAN'T. I can't fucking do it, no matter how much I want to I just cannot bring myself to do it. People question me and I haven't really got an answer, I just can't. Something is still stopping me.  

• I hate eating food from coffee shops and sandwiches from supermarkets - Again, another I have no idea why but ever since my eating disorder took over I still cannot do this without feeling strange. If I manage to do it I feel like I've accomplished something massive. This is a habit which makes my family and friends think I'm still controlled by my eating disorder, honestly in that moment perhaps I am.   

• Touching wood - So when my OCD was extremely bad I was touching wood constantly all day. I was walking along the streets and purposely going over to trees to touch them and saying "touch wood, I'm okay" - it was fucking consuming. Thankfully I am not like that anymore.  However, on the odd occasion I will still do it if I am feeling anxious about something or I feel something bad is happening I stick to that little habit to keep me going in that moment. ~weird~  

•  REASSURANCE SEEKING - the big fucking daddy of my mental health habits, without reassurance seeking I don't know how I would get through anything. But note to self and everyone else, IT DOES NOT WORK. It is a short term fix for a long term problem, it does not help so is essentially the most pointless habit of all. I am always in a rut of reassurance seeking and it annoys me so much. I've tried over the years to break the habit and to just help myself instead, but it's the hardest one of all. 

Basically, the message here is that if you manage to break one of your habits then pat yourself on the back because they are hard to get out of. Trust me, I know! Give yourself the credit you deserve if you do break a habit. I always do if I manage to eat in a coffee shop or if I don't ask for reassurance that one time.

Be proud of your progress, big or small!

Educate Young Minds On Mental Illness.

Hiiiii!

Something really personal to me, and close to me are mental illnesses. Growing up with them and still living with many is common knowledge to those close to me, maybe even anyone who reads this blog because I believe speaking about it is THE most important thing. Last night I was having a bad one, it was almost 11pm and there I was on the brink of having yet another meltdown. Debating whether to wake my mum and have a cry, or just work through it.

Then I got pissed off. I took myself back to primary school, I had no idea what anxiety was, no idea what body image problems were, what even was depression?! Did anyone even really know what they were in primary school? Probably not.

I've always been a very shy girl, when I was little I was an actual mouse and looking back I've probably had serious anxiety issues since I started school. That's awful.

Why did I get pissed off? I got pissed off because I thought, WHY DO WE NOT REALLY GET TAUGHT ABOUT THIS STUFF IN SCHOOL?!

We literally never got taught about mental illnesses in school, we never got taught about how to deal with this stuff if we were to ever get things like depression, OCD or anxiety etc. So when these problems come into our lives we're like what the frick is going on?

We should be taught this stuff from day 1, there's a thing called PSHE and this should be a huge topic within that. Except that is always focused on things like "oh, don't try a cigarette due to peer pressure, tut tut don't do that" but no one ever says "one day you might feel really, really crappy about life but it's okay and there is help". NO ONE EVER TELLS YOU THIS. No one ever tells you what mental illnesses are and that's just really ticked me off.

You know, one day I'd like for this to really get into schools. Mental illnesses are so much more open now and everyone knows someone with one, this needs to be spoken about more.

I've seen people feel awful at younger ages, sometimes it's worrying that it's becoming a 'trend' but a lot of kids actually have problems and it's sprung on them in no time and they don't know how to deal with it.

Classes should be put in place for this, to tell people what it's like, how to deal with it and who to talk to and that there is help out there. Yeah, stuff like this is all over the news and internet but not everyone watches the news or looks at stuff like this on the internet. Because how can a young person even put a name to their extreme sadness if they have no idea what it is? That's what I'm trying to say.

Education on this is necessary and I hope one day it gets put in place.

I apologise for the slightly political post, is this political? I don't know, I just know it would have to go through that kinda system to be put in place. DAMMIT I HAVE NO POWER BUT THIS MUST BE DONE.

Power to the people and all that.