Self Worth.

Hi everyone, I hope you are doing well! 

It's been a while, my life has been a whirlwind since the last time I posted, the New Year really treated me to a multitude of shite all at once. Thanks Universe. 

I had to deal with a break up, leaving a house and my Grandad passing away all in the space of a couple of weeks. Firstly, I was broken, didn't think I'd be able to cope. Then my Grandad passed away and as much as I fucking miss him and wish he was still here, it put life and everything into perspective. 

I haven't let myself wallow, I haven't sat around crying like would be expected of me in this situation. It has been an awful time, but my God it's made me so much stronger.

Never, EVER in my life have I realised my self worth. Never have I wanted to get better mentally and physically. But all of this happened and some sort of switch turned on in my head. I realised I was worth so much more than the way I was treated, I realised that life is too short to sit around and suffer. I wanted to get better, I wanted to be well.

I've been enjoying myself since all of this happened, I'm the happiest I've been in such a long time and really, I am so proud of myself.

I finally realise that as a person I am worth love, kindness and attention from the people who I want to give attention and love back to. I'm so happy for myself.

I have realised I am worth more than my eating disorder, more than my anxiety and more than my depression. I've been eating whatever I wanted (of course with the off days, normal in recovery) - I've been going out and having fun, spending time with some lovely people and treating myself to nice things. This is the nicest I've felt in so long, I am finally ready to live my life.

I'm now weighing up my options about the future, I'm looking into going back to University with people behind me who support me and want me to succeed. I am in a really good place. 

Basically, know your worth guys. Just know that you are worth love, happiness and good health. Look after yourself and get rid of toxic people who bring you down, life is TOO SHORT PEOPLE. You are worth all of those days where you treat yourself to nice things, you are worth the time you spend on yourself and only yourself, you are worth self love and self respect, you are worth the respect you deserve from other people. You are just fucking amazing and embrace it. 

I'll be back soon with regular posts, I just need some well earned me time!

All the love, x 

Positive Tuesdays: The One When I Went To Ireland.

Hiiiiiii guys, it's Tuesday it's time to be positive about the previous week. I've had a great one but also a very, very tough one in my little brain. It's a strange feeling when you're stuck in your recovery, when you also feel so lonely but you have amazing people around you...you just need those extra ones to show they care. OKAY NO, this is not the name of the game, if I want to be a negative Nelly then I will make a whole new post.

Anyway, this week was full of fun! To be fair I missed the previous week because I was in Dublin last week, so I'm literally going to do the last 7 or so days.

On Monday last week I set up the house all cute for Ryans 21st as we were going to be away on his actual birthday. I wanted to make him feel a little spesh for the day and give him his presents. I got him a Funko Pop, of which he has 15,583 (approx.) a tattoo voucher, Fallout Monopoly, a really cool wooden carving of Jason from Friday the 13th and the trip to the Guinness Factory. He was happy, I was happy, we were all happy. We then had his parents round for dinner and that was sweet, it's nice having my family and then being accepted into another.

On Tuesday we went to Dublin! Something we've been stoked about for months, I love seeing different places with him. We can speak for hours on end, explore new cities and learn about new things so sharing that with someone is so sweet and I couldn't wish for anyone better. 

Sweet pub through to Dinner with a Guinness.

The next day was officially Ryans 21st birthday! We got up and strolled around Dublin, went to a Church and then off to the Guinness Storehouse which I think was like Ry's idea of heaven/Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory. It was actually so cool and I would seriously recommend it to anyone going to Dublin. I hate Guinness, Guinness is not for a girl like me. In the evening I booked us to go to Beef & Lobster in Temple Bar in Dublin. It was GREAT, Lobster? Do I like Lobster? Not sure. The process was fun but perhaps just the once, it was a really sweet restaurant though so again I would recommend that 100%, I followed up the meal with a Prosecco ice lolly and man, I was super about that life.

The next day we went to the Zoo and okay I know not everyone agrees with Zoos, I am super in the middle. I love seeing the animals, I also wish they were out in the wild but I also know they are looked after in their little homes at the Zoo. I don't know man, this post isn't a place for a debate with myself. But my god, Dublin Zoo is incredible. The enclosures were huge, the animals seemed to be so free! The Orangutang's could swing from one enclosure to the other and they went right over you, no net or anything, it was a real 'you had to be there moment'. The Wolves were all howling together, a sound I've never heard in my life, insane. The baby elephants were all playing in their water together, it was adorable and it was one of the best days I've ever had with Ryan. 

Then the last couple of days were spent just looking around, enjoying the city and each others company. As per usual. 

I haven't done much since, we had an intense game of Monopoly last night and I won (yes, you know I did)  and it's little things like that which make me content and happy. Being around good people with good vibes.

How was your week? Tell me all the good things, I would love to hear. 

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Rome 2016!

Hello everyone! 

It's been almost 2 months since myself and Ryan went away to Rome, we go to Dublin next week so it felt right to FINALLY do a post about it! 

It was incredible, one of the most beautiful places I've ever been with the absolute love of my life. It was just perfect. The weather was sweet, maybe even too hot. The food was bloody incredible oh my god, don't, I am still mourning the loss of the Italian pizza when I eat a disappointing pizza from England. Sigh, forever in my heart. The landmarks were just insane, honestly the whole place just blew my mind. I don't understand how the buildings were made so many years ago, it was just amazing! 

So, we started off going to Heathrow. Ryan does not like tubes but we were getting the train and tubes, HE NEARLY DID NOT GET ON THE TUBE. I am still traumatised, a lady on the tube gasped and we looked at each other through the window like this is the end. It was so dramatic, should've been a TV show. All was well though, he got on. Our flight was then delayed so we went to a restaurant and just chilled for hours and hours with both our anxiety levels rising because we both don't like flying, what a mare. 

Ryan being mis because of the delayed flight, the viewing platform and me having an air pee lolz.

Okay, so we got to Rome and we got pushed into a Taxi...there was already a man in the taxi. Why? Was this a thing? Apparently so when another man got in. It was so bloody weird, and then the taxi driver started to drive while on his phone, looking at a map, just being a fuckin nut nut it was crazy. No one warned us about the crazy drivers! 

Day 1 we walked to the Colosseum and wow, in-fucking-sane, I still can't believe it. How?! HOOWWOWOWOWOWOw. 

Our walk to the Colosseum and the ruins around the area! 

When then walked to the Piazza Venezia, and that was just so huge and crazy. It was white, was I in heaven? Maybz. 

Also, we spent about €17 on GELATO. Okay, we knew it may be pricey but after that it did not cost that much. I think we were mugged off, but it was worth it right?

Evening with Pizza and Gelato!

At a cute fountain outside the Piazza Venezia

Day 2 we went off to the Trevi Fountain! It was gorgeous, it was the one thing I was super stoked to go and do. We also went to the Spanish Steps but they were shut...the steps were shut? Yeah. Anyway, the whole area around there was so Italian. The shops, everything. We looked around the shops, got asked to come into so many cafes, not today thank u. It was lovely, then we had dinner on Gay Street which turned out to be our favourite street to have dinner on and it was beauts, another pizza obvz. Then we went and saw the Colosseum at night and wow, nothing like it. 

Beauts Day! 

Day 3 we went to the Vatican and Vatican City. So the Vatican Museums were insane, like there was too much stuff everywhere on the walls on the ceiling on the floor in my FACE. It was incredible and I'll never experience anything like that again. We also climbed up 500+ steps almost facing our death to see the view of Vatican City, and it was unreal. Worth the pain of the 500+ steps and seeing Ryans whole being sweat and almost die. We went to the T-Bone Station that night too, not very Italian but Ry has always wanted a T-Bone Steak and he looked v proud of himself for destroying it. 

Part 1 of the Vatican, all those beautiful ceilings! 

Part 2 of the day, that view and Ry with his T-Bone.

So our last full day we went to see the Pantheon, just in the middle of a little place and the history behind places like this as I said before was just blowing my mind. It was great. We also went and saw the Piazza Navona and it was like the Covent Garden of Rome in my opinion. That night we had dinner with the view of the Colosseum again and we finished fairly early so off we went to the Ice Bar! It was so cold (obviously, duh) but so bloody funny, me and Ry had already had a bottle of wine with dinner then we were the only two in there and we were just having such a laugh. It is now one of my favourite memories with Ryan! 

More Pizza I love myself. 

Of our titties in the Ice Bar

And that was that, the next day we went home and now I have all these new memories with my love and I can't wait for the next adventure next week to Dublin! 

Hope you've enjoyed this post!