World Mental Health Day 2017

Hey everyone,

The time of year has come again where we all seem to recognise mental health, and that's great. It should be recognised and fought for every single day but if one day makes more people stand up and talk and stand up and realise what is happening then again, that is great.

Over the last few months I have written quite a few of blog posts talking about how I'm getting on and my on going struggles with my own mind. With this I have had quite a few people come and speak to me about their own troubles and that is AMAZING. It's fucking terrible that they are struggling but thank God they are opening up, even if it is just to someone they don't know too well. I want people to feel like they can speak to me, I am just one person struggling, there are millions feeling the exact same way. This is something we all need to remember.

Today is a day for recognising our own battles, knowing we are fighting and we are going to win. Sometimes people don't make it through the fight and bless their souls for even trying, it's fucking hard, it's a real fucking hard fight.

I recognise my battle now, I see what I'm doing and I am getting better I need to remember this. A few months ago I was at crisis point, I wanted to be taken away and locked up and not let out until I was better but here I am sat at my kitchen table on my own and not being consumed by my thoughts entirely, I feel like I am breathing again. Slowly, but I am.

I am overcoming aspects of my battle one by one. I am really, really getting through my eating disorder. I am eating whatever I want to really and I am gaining weight. Sometimes I hate it and I hate looking at my body, the next minute I'm like 'WOW you have curves and those tits are the size of a house' (I literally love my boobs) - I always wanted to be little Shannon however I need to realise that I cannot always be little Shannon. One day I will have to be a mum and a wife and I cannot be those things when I was in that state. I'm getting better, I'm getting back the me I lost, I am getting her back.

Knowing I can get through that aspect is driving me to get through this little chapter too. I am seeing this as a little bump in my journey, one that will make me a lot stronger and one day I hope to help others.

I am rationalising things more, I am getting my energy and motivation back, I am learning to see reality again. I am getting there.

I hope anyone on their own journeys will continue their fight, you are so strong, you are doing so well to get up every day and face the day, I know it's hard but you do it. You should be proud of everything you do, one small step at a time. If you have set backs that is okay, a little set back does not take away all of the progress you have made. You are amazing and you deserve the world, continue on your journey and go through the door which is calling you. Behind that door is fun, love, family, friends and no demons trying to drag you down. Treat yourself with goods things, be kind to yourself, the journey comes to an end and we all need to know the end is just the start of an even better journey.

x x x

World Mental Health Day 2016

Hi everyone!

It's World Mental Health Day today, I don't know why this day always make me think so much (like I don't do that enough anyway) - but it makes me reflect, where I'm at, where I'm going, how far I've come.

I'll be honest I'm still struggling, the struggle is so real. I'm getting there though. My therapy sessions are coming towards the end and I could've cried when I realised last week that this was the case. I don't know why I felt emotional, but I've built up such a trust and faith in my therapist it's going to be very strange not seeing her every week. I'm learning new techniques, trying to apply them, sometimes succeeding, sometimes not.

One of the biggest steps I've taken recently is after a conversation I had with my eating nurse a couple of weeks ago. I was weighed, as per usual, the weight wasn't going up too much. My eating disordered head was pleased about this, my sensible head still confused. I asked the question "so, what weight do you want me to be at to be classed as healthy?" I was asking this for my own peace of mind. We went through previous weights and she told me where I should ideally be but really in recovery you're classed as being healthy when you have your periods return.

I wouldn't know this though as I've been on the contraceptive pill since I was fourteen due to being anaemic and obviously now because of doing the frickle frackle. A period on the pill is not 'real' as it were, it sounds strange and I still don't really understand. I never listened in biology lolz. Anyway, the thought took over me like "WHAT IF I'M NOT HAVING MY PERIODS AND I DON'T GET THEM BACK AND I CAN'T HAVE BABIES!?!?!?!?!" My whole life is leading up to the day I pop out children and have a family and a house and a husband. If I've screwed that up for myself by listening to a little demon in my head making me not eat then I would simply never forgive myself.

I made the decision to come off the pill because of this, this is the biggest step I think I have made in my recovery! A positive one, because it shows I want to know where my body is at, what I have to work to and where this is all going.

I'm proud of myself for that. FYI - I'M NOT HAVING BABIES YET. Unless all that bloating I get is due to a nugget in my belly or just due to the eating disorder recovery...let's think logically here.

In terms of depression, I'm doing okay you know. My job gets me done, again I'm being positive about this and looking for new ones to try and better myself there.

I've learnt to distract myself better than I've ever done in the past. I've always been too occupied in my own brain to focus on other things. But I've been doing my prints, having nice baths with Lush bath bombs and chilling watching telly surrounded by candles. I'm doing okay.

I have such a long way to go, I have to learn to accept myself like my therapist always teaches me to say "I completely love and accept myself". It's just learning to believe it.

I'll get there, I hope.

I see other people who have suffered who are radiant, enjoying life, not worried about the size of their thighs or their chubby little cheeks. I want to get there one day.

I admire anyone who recovers from a mental illness and that is what today is all about. Love and support one another on their journeys, recognise the difficulties other people face and help them get to the end of that journey.

It's all a journey, one we can all get through when we believe we deserve the happiness that is at the end of it all.

All the love xxxx

P.S. As it is World Mental Health Day 2016 please check out my Mental Health prints over on Vicious Prints! 25% of the price of the print is donated to the Mental Health charity MIND.

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World Mental Health Day 2015

Hi hi hi, I never post anymore I am a poop head I'm sorry! I just have so much going on (that's a complete and utter lie, I'm unemployed, I have nothing to do)

It's world mental health day, a day close to my little heart. You know me, I'm very open about my mental health, it's very important to speak about it and keep it alive! The worlds backs should never be turned on the concept of somebodies mental health, keep talking about it and keep looking after each other - pEACE OUT.

I'm not actually done at all, I've not even begun! Where is my mental health at I hear you eagerly ask of course?! It's down the toilet with all the other poop in my life. I'm on the road to recovery, truly, I feel like I've been in this position about a million and one times in my life but this time if real recovery isn't at the end of the tunnel then I might just have to punch myself in the tit.

What's going on? What am I doing? I'm still on my anti-depressants, although they've helped me so, so much I feel it is time to ween myself off of them. My family might not be quite on board with the idea, but I really have the best support system I've had in 20 years and it's time I got off the medication and did it on my own. I will never criticise the power of these anti-depressants however, they've been a life saver. The past 10 months I've been on them have been amazingly different in some aspects, I'm not sure what state I would be in if I didn't get put on them in December - I thank science for creating such a thing. They really are a godsend.

I'm also now at an Eating Disorder clinic, with a really lovely lady! She is the best counsellor/practitioner I've had, ever. She understands, she's not lying to me and she wants to help me get better. I went there and she said to me "I promise you, we are not here to fatten you up, to turn you into a sumo wrestler" and the little ana bitch in my head likes to tell me I'm a lump of poo but my practitioner also told me to listen to those who love me, those around me who adore me for who I am and not to listen to the person in my mind wanting to ruin it all for me.

I'm on a 3 meal a day meal plan, hard to stick to but I will get there! I have so much to fight for, I have myself, my family, my friends, my cute little dogs and my wonderful boyfriend. The end of all this is near, true happiness awaits and I can't wait to reach that point in my life.

Mental health will never die, unfortunately. But as a society we can do all we can to fight it, fighting our own minds is never ideal but to reach happiness and to be content with our lives and ourselves it's what we must do. Never give up the fight! Show the cocks in your brain who is boss. Take control of your own life!

All the love in the world to anyone fighting, enjoy world mental health day by doing something you love - treat yourself! Remember what there is to love in the world.

x x x