2018 Travels - BLOGMAS DAY 12

Good day everyone, happy 12th day of Blogmas! 

This year has been lovely for my little travels. Let's have a little recap shall we...

COPENHAGEN & LOMMA; SWEDEN - FEBRUARY

I whisked Dan away like the smashing girlfriend I am to Copenhagen and to visit our friends in Sweden for a week. It was delightful. We did typical touristy things in Copenhagen - Tivoli Gardens, we saw Nyhavn which was stunning and strolled around the little streets. It was freezing cold and snowed which just made me so happy. It was the perfect way to celebrate Dans birthday and start the year off. 

Jönköping; SWEDEN - MAY 

So off I popped to my favourite place again with my best friends Sanna and Joe for baby Tova's Christening. This was a little break which I was so stoked for with my best friends. I unfortunately got super poorly on the holiday but I still enjoyed my time in this beautiful, picturesque place. I love it every-time and want a trip back in 2019 to see my second family! 

NERJA; SPAIN - JUNE 

Our 'main' holiday of the year was with Dans friends who have now become some of my best friends. 10 days in the sun in Nerja, somewhere I'd previously visited twice before. The beach is stunning, the food is fucking sweet as and the company was great. It was honestly the funniest 10 days I've had and I would do it all over again, it was something we all needed and it was just lovely. 

PARIS - SEPTEMBER 

This was my birthday present from Dan, a trip to Paris. In our heads it was going to be beautiful and romantic, it was actually quite grimy and weird. But who are we to complain, we got to spend some lovely time together and that's all that matters to us, no matter where we are in the world. Next year there are already plans and I can't wait to share some more adventures with Dan. 

Already have some  travel plans for next year...but for now they are a secret! 

Have a great day everyone x 

Do Movies Shape You As Humans?

Hello everyone! I hope you are having a great hump day.

As I just went to shave my eyebrows because I am a girl who doesn't want to go through PAIN - I thought "why the fuck do I do this?" I then remembered the first time I ever saw a girl do this and it was from Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging when Georgia shaves half her eyebrow off. Now every time I go to shave the loose hairs from my eyebrows I think of that moment.

It took be back to being 13/14 and seeing that movie at least 4 times at the cinema and then countless times since. That movie shaped me and my friends lives, those books that the film was based on added to our already bizarre personalities.

This made me think, do films really shape people as they grow up? I believe so. Without this particular film, as corny or as lame as the film may be looking back on it, it shaped me and my friends and made us have the fun we grew up having.

This film comes back to me at the most random times, when I met Dan for the first time and he was leaning on his Seat Ibiza outside my house he looked like Robbie from the film when he's standing waiting for Georgia outside of her house. "He is a SEX GOD" I thought and proceeded to text my friends this exact quote after our first date. That was me at 21 years old, years after seeing that film, but I felt like a teenager again falling for my new love.

We would quote this film daily, I still quote it on my 'ugly days' when I believe I need to go into 'an ugly home' just like Georgia.

I thank this movie, I thank this movie for making me have fun as a teenager and have fun as a grown up still. This film really did shape me as a human, it made me realise that a lot of girls are a bit fucking lame and not perfect. Me and my friends allowed ourselves to have our quirks without being worried that we were a bit weird, because that was okay!

My friend Corinna and I have always wanted to get a tattoo from the song 'Ultraviolet' from the movie because it meant so much to us growing up and it brought us so much happiness - Corinna, I hope this deal still stands at the grand old age of 23.

What films have impacted you in life? Let me know!

What is Success & Am I Successful?

Before I go on, I AM BACK HIIIIIIIIYAAAAAA. I haven't posted on my blog in ages, I've been busy on YouTube and you know, I've never quite felt the love for it like I have for my blog. I love writing and I miss writing, talking to a camera? Perhaps not for me. I've got a whole load of posts planned for Blogmas, yeah that's right, Shannon is doing Blogmas. I did it back in 2014 (I think!) and loved it. So there is no better way to throw myself back in than back to back blog posts, am I right ladies?! I had some thoughts on my way to work the other day, was feeling quite sorry for myself and whatever the fuck I am doing with my life but then I realised I am doing just fine... 

"WHATEVER THE FUCK AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?"

Success can be measured on a whole large scale. Some people measure success from their job title or how much money they take home each year. Some people measure success on I suppose the less materialistic things in life. 

A job title and money doesn’t always equal happiness, sure it measures success but if you’re not happy would you say you ‘made it’? Who knows? I am not in a position to be able to judge that. But then for some people it does make them the happiest person on Earth and that's great, for them anyway! 

When I was little I always said to myself “I’m going to make it, I’m going to be a successful journalist and earn loads of money and have everything EVER” - news flash little Shannon, you didn’t make it. 

My one year at university is a touchy subject for me, I had the idea of making it right in front of me. But I didn’t want to make it anymore, I just wanted to be happy. I realised that doing that degree wasn’t making me happy, even though the piece of paper I would have received at the end would have helped me to get there, I wasn’t happy enough with the idea to pursue it. 

So I left, I left and I am here with a basic job that pays enough with no real career prospects right now. I get sad sometimes seeing everyone around me succeeding and doing really well and I’m still a bit depressed with a smidge of anxiety just plodding along. But that’s OKAY, everyone measures success differently (let me drill this into my brain). 

Do you know how I plan on measuring mine? With happiness. Happiness to me is going to be having a house, a husband and babies that we’ve created together. But of course that is just me, some people would take that as a bonus to whatever else they’ve achieved, for me I think a ‘career’ would be my bonus in life. 

Happiness to me is going to be continuing to fight my mental illness and get through to the other side. I already did that with my eating disorder, I’m so fucking successful for getting my bloody periods back. Happiness is a measure of my success, happiness is the goal and happiness is everything I want.  

You know, I am so proud of those around me being successful, it fills my heart to know they are doing well. I do wonder if one day people will think the same? Will they come round my house and see my home and think "she's done really well"? 

Who am I to judge if someone even believes they have done well, perhaps they are fighting for more and more and more. Maybe they will never be happy with what they have achieved, from the outside we as friends or family can say "you've done a cracking job" while they may think they've got a long way to go in life. For me people are always saying how proud they are of what I've done, but I am waiting to have something to show for it. 

Really, everyone is successful in their own little ways. I just can’t wait to begin my journey to it. 

A Letter To Me...From Me (The Good Side)

To Shannon,

You're struggling and that's okay. You've gone up and down your entire life, this is just a bad time and it will get better I know it will.

I wanted to talk to you in a way so you can read this whenever you are struggling and whenever the bad side takes over. I love you and I care for you, more than you know and realise. There is a little bit in there that wants to look after you, not hurt you and that's me.

You listen so strongly to the bad side that it controls you completely, I'm trying my best to fight for you but you're letting the bad side in too strong...I think we should come up with a name for the bad side, who do you really hate? (we all know who that is, but we can't do that........) We need something short for healthy anxiety...FUCK IT, we'll just call it a cunt? No no, that's not PG enough. We'll just shorten it to HA, that's easy.

When HA comes in you change, you panic, you go in on yourself and you're scared. Everyone around you struggles to cope with it too because they've been doing it for too long. So have you. It's time to let go, let it fucking go, I'm in here! I want to have fun with you!

You think the world is against you, it's not. You have an amazing life. You have a supportive family, amazing friends and the spiciest boyfriend you could've ever laid eyes on. Shannon, he's so fit have you seen him? You have a comfortable job, a nice house, a gorgeous nephew and 2 dogs. Some people don't even have one dog, you have TWO.

You see doctors all the time, you have counsellors, an eating nurse who would pick you up and cuddle you all day if she could to take away the demons. Not all of these people are against you Shannon, they are here to help you. I am too, just let me in.

Picture it this way: Imagine in the future you have a little boy or a little girl. They have anxiety, every time they cry and are scared you take them to the doctors and they get checked over and are told "everything is okay, it's just your anxiety" - they don't believe the doctor, they don't believe you either. But you still fight and fight and fight to keep them safe and happy because you're a mum, you know your child better than they know themselves and you know they're okay. That's exactly what your mum is doing, she's fighting for you because she knows you have an amazing life to live and HA is holding you back. Your mum will never lie to you, just like you would never lie to your child.

Your mum has called you beautiful every day of your life because she made you, she's not lying, she loves you and if she ever thought something was wrong she would be the first person to rush you to get help. Just like she has with the thing that is wrong: YOUR ANXIETY.

Just like Dan says all the time, fight the thing that is really wrong not the things that HA is making up for you to fight. You need that every to fight the problem, not the things that don't exist.

Come on, I am here, I am waiting to enjoy life again. Let me in and let me go out and enjoy life again. HA just wants to destroy you, it's doing a good job. But Shannon, it's fucking time to get rid of the cunt and kick it's arse. Don't let HA destroy you, DESTROY YOUR ANXIETY.

Read this every time you struggle, read this every single time. Do not wallow, no more wallowing. No more. Every single time you get scared, scream out loud FUCK OFF. Tell HA to fuck off, there's about to be a downsize in the house bro, theres no room in the inn.

I am here, I love you. I love you so much. I love how much fun you can have, I love how stupidly funny and weird you are, let that shine again. I am here to have fun and we have so many opportunities to do that.

It's time to fight like you've never fought before, I'll be here the whole way.

Love from, Shannon xoxox

My Tattoos

Hey everyone! 

I did a little poll on Twitter to see what post you'd like to see next and you wanted a post on my tattoos. I have a few and actually rediscovered a post I did back in 2014 on my first two little tattoos - I totally forgot I did that post!

Well since then I've had five new tattoos and I thought I'd talk through them and why I got them and why I love them all individually so much, let's go... 

Watercolour Heart

So, this is my little water colour heart on my inner right arm. I actually got this tattoo with my mum, we got a matching tattoo it's adorable! I love water colour tattoos and I want my whole right arm to be colourful and my left arm to be black and grey. But anyway, this tattoo is so important just because I share it with my mum it's out little thing together and it means the world that I can share something forever with my mum. 

Watercolour Umbrella

This sounds EMO AF, but, I just bloody love the rain. I really do, I love going for walks in the rain, I love sitting in my room and listening to the rain. It's my favourite and I wanted a tattoo on my body to represent that. This is so cute and goes so well with my heart which is just underneath it. I want to add some more seasonal/weather inspired tattoos on my upper arm to kind of go with this. 

Balloon

This is probably my least favourite if I'm honest...oops. I'm going to get this added to, it's on my arm with my watercolours so I think I want some colour added. I literally got this done at the same time as the heart just because I felt like it. It was meant to represent me being free and letting go but to be honest I didn't think about it enough, I really want to add more to it to represent what it was truly meant to. It actually just looks like a sperm, so maybe I'll just say it's to remember the time before I was born, right? 

Pinky Promise

For my 21st Birthday my best friends got me a tattoo voucher so I wanted to get something for them. That's why I got a little pinky promise tattoo, I wanted them to know that I promise to be their friend forever and that they mean the world to me. I love this one purely for that reason! Probably my most painful one but it was worth it. That 21st birthday present was my favourite of that year and I get to keep it with me forever, and I get to keep that promise to my friends. 

Daffodil 

OKAY SO, this is now my absolute favourite! I literally got this done on Wednesday. Tuesday night I was like "Cor I fancy a tattoo" so I emailed my studio that I go to and they got me in on Wednesday. 

The reason for this is firstly, I want a lot of floral tattoos, I want my whole left arm to be covered in flowers really. But the other reason is that on the day of my Grandads funeral all I seemed to see was Daffodils, everywhere! I kept looking around in the car up to the funeral and on the way back and they were all I saw. From that moment I was like, I want a god damn effing Daffodil. I have a plan for a tattoo for both my Grandads so this isn't the 'official' remembrance tattoo for him but it means a heck of a lot. I love it so much. 

That's it for now! Plenty more planned and I am STOKED. Share with me below or on Twitter your tattoos, I'd love to see them! 

Until next time, 

xox 

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A Fresh Start.

Hi everyone!

As you may have gathered from the previous post, times have been a little tough lately. But here I am, ready to let the last few months go and start a fresh with life.

I realised my worth, again as I say was in the last post  - I've been so much more happier recently than I was in a very long time. This proved to me that maybe I wasn't happy for a much longer time than I realised and God I'm glad I'm where I am now. They say everything happens for a reason and I've never believed it until now. I'm quite happy with the result of my absolute heartbreak and shite that I went through.

I'm here, in my cute little bedroom at my mum and dads house surrounded by cute little flowers and photos and I feel so warm and happy now. I hadn't felt that in a long time.

I'm ready for a new start and a fresh outlook, a different future to the one I thought I was going to have. I may go back to university, I may go and get a sweet new job, who knows! I'm just excited to give myself a chance, focus on me and look forward to all the good things.

I'm not dwelling on the past one bit, that is something me, a few months ago, would never have thought I could do.

I'm going to start blogging a lot more (I've said this a billion times) but really, I am! I can't wait to sit down at my sweet little desk and just write and write, I love blogging and always have done. I'm going to reignite Vicious Prints and get some new items on there which I am very excited about! And I'm just going to keep focusing on my recovery and all the good things in life.

What kinda posts would you like to see?! Continue to see posts like these, real life feelings and progress? Or others? Let me know I'd love to have al little chat.

I'll be back as soon as possible!

Lots of love xo

Where am I at?

Hey everyone,

It's been a tough morning, I have to say. I'm going away this weekend and this always fills me with crippling anxiety - I don't know why. I think I've been building up to a bit of a breakdown all week and it happened this morning and I feel so guilty.

I feel guilty that I let it get the better of me and I let it control whether or not I was going to go to work (I didn't) - I try to be positive on here, radiate positivity and pretend I'm doing just fine. I only ever come back on here when something really gets to me. This has really got to me, I feel terrible that I've let it get the better of me once again. I feel weak, I feel like a bad person and now I'm terrified I'll get fired. I am a bloody poo.

I need to realise that my mental health is important, some days I do realise this but then when it does this I just feel like I've failed. All the progress I've made was for nothing.

But then I remember that ups and downs are in fact essential in the recovery process, I've discussed that with my therapist. Without the downs I wouldn't be able to use my techniques that I've learnt to get me back up, going backwards is normal and important. It is human.

I guess I just feel like everyone around me works hard and I'm just slacking off, but then I never cut myself a break for this.

I've been doing okay you know, I've had to increase my intake of food to try and get my periods back (HELLLLLLO PERIOD TALK) and I'm more determined than ever to do this. I think that's been subtly pushing my buttons all week and it was only a matter of time before I said 'no, I need some me time'. This morning has been my me time, I'm just lucky that my work place understand even when I feel like I'm absolutely cheating them for doing stuff like this.

In other news though, I am in fact going away later today to London to visit my university friends. I've just gotta get through that initial anxiety that I get every single time I go away and enjoy myself.

I hope you're all well and plodding along with all of your positivity.

I'll be back soon with some less negative posts, I promise! x

The One Where I Make Gingerbead Autumn Cookies.

Hey everyone,

I've had a few really crap days hence the no 'Positive Tuesdays' post because quite frankly even though the whole point is the pick the best parts out of the week, I just couldn't. I could not sit down and do that yesterday and I am sorry for my negative vibes.

Today I took my mind off of things and saw my mum then came home to bake some Gingerbread Cookies with the cookie cutters I purchased earlier in the day!

I used a recipe from BBC Goodf Food, as per usual I always go there for recipes.

£2.49 from TKMaxx

They turned out really nice, gooey in the middle! They're so cute for Autumn, and you know me, I LOVE AUTUMN. TKMaxx had loads of sweet Halloween cookie cutters too so I shall be going there shortly to purchase some more. 

It's so nice living in my own little house doing some baking, I was adulting so hard. I also iced them (badly) and put cinnamon in the icing, Autumn was all up in my face. 

Let me see your seasonal cookies if you've done any!